[You have far too much faith in Cam to think that he would have a girlfriend.
He nods,] Yeah, a friend. [Then, bragging a little,] And the Princess of the Moon Spire. Pretty impressive that a guy like me is friends with royalty, yeah?
[And Cam is very comfortably settling into the delusion that it’s only a matter of time before his friends, and all of the others wake up. It’s not wrong, although he might be off on the timing, and it’s easier than thinking about everything in the past tense.]
[ Actually that's very impressive. He never would have imagined that Cam would be graceful enough to rub elbows with royalty (no offense). But it would be rude to say that, and so Fred settles for polite agreement instead. ]
Quite. She must have been quite the kind and charitable princess, to be befriend so many.
[ He's assuming she's friends with a lot of people, if she's friends with Cam. ]
[Full offense taken! Except Cam totally doesn’t pick up on that subtle burn. You would be surprised how much royalty Cam has rubbed elbows with, Fred. Maybe less surprised by the amount of royalty that has tried to kill him though. (Tally: at least 5)
Babbling on,] Yeah. Her dad, King Alfadon, he’s a little racist but he’s still a pretty good guy. Almost died trying to save his life—Have you ever fallen in lava?
[They are obviously done with their shopping: Cam got his grapes. Cam puffs out his chest a little bit, having ascertained that he’s survived something truly metal.]
It wasn’t such a big deal. [He just barely avoided dying, that’s all. He definitely didn’t need to be rescued by a certain elven princess,] Burnt my pants right off.
[That’s an exaggeration. Why would you even brag about that?]
[It is working! Cam loves talking about himself as long as those topics don't include his dead sister.]
Oh yeah. All the time. You might not believe it, but I'm a pretty big hero back home. [Not a lie. There's even an Avatar-the-Last-Airbender-Ember-Isles-esque stage play going on about their adventures. Cam might have been portrayed like a giant idiot in it, because it was written by someone who hates him, but like hell Cam is going to mention that.]
A guy like you has probably seen some action too, right? Or is all of that armor just for show?
Hardly for show. [ He sounds offended by the very notion. ] I wouldn't be the deputy of the Shepherds had I not seen my fair share of action upon the battlefield.
[ And then they talked all the way home, at which point Fred made dinner and Cam had his grapes and it was all great, the end. ]
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He nods,] Yeah, a friend. [Then, bragging a little,] And the Princess of the Moon Spire. Pretty impressive that a guy like me is friends with royalty, yeah?
[And Cam is very comfortably settling into the delusion that it’s only a matter of time before his friends, and all of the others wake up. It’s not wrong, although he might be off on the timing, and it’s easier than thinking about everything in the past tense.]
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Quite. She must have been quite the kind and charitable princess, to be befriend so many.
[ He's assuming she's friends with a lot of people, if she's friends with Cam. ]
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Babbling on,] Yeah. Her dad, King Alfadon, he’s a little racist but he’s still a pretty good guy. Almost died trying to save his life—Have you ever fallen in lava?
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I'm quite relieved to say I never have. That seems a frightful experience to emerge from unscathed.
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It wasn’t such a big deal. [He just barely avoided dying, that’s all. He definitely didn’t need to be rescued by a certain elven princess,] Burnt my pants right off.
[That’s an exaggeration. Why would you even brag about that?]
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I hope you managed to find another pair of pants with little trouble.
[ Going around pantsless....the horror. He would just die of mortification if that ever happened to him. ]
You must have been on many the adventures then.
[ Look, he's trying to Bond(TM), is it working. ]
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Oh yeah. All the time. You might not believe it, but I'm a pretty big hero back home. [Not a lie. There's even an Avatar-the-Last-Airbender-Ember-Isles-esque stage play going on about their adventures. Cam might have been portrayed like a giant idiot in it, because it was written by someone who hates him, but like hell Cam is going to mention that.]
A guy like you has probably seen some action too, right? Or is all of that armor just for show?
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[ And then they talked all the way home, at which point Fred made dinner and Cam had his grapes and it was all great, the end. ]